I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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