turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
