I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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