we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
