Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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