Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
