im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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