I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
