is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
