He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i drank out of a bidet.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
