Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
