i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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