I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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