you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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