Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
