Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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