Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
