so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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