If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
