why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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