I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
