Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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