She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Pants are for mortals
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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