I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize