So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
