The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
