She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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