Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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