I just made out with a guy for $7.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
