Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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