She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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