he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
