white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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