I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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