people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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