i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
