No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
