never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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