It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
