I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
