When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
