I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
how drunk are you?
Several
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
