my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
