It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
