You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize