If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Still dying that you shit outside
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
