There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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