Your face is a jimmy john
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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