U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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