When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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