so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
