you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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