Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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