She just used a chaser for red wine.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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