She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
time to smoke my breakfast
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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