i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
