Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
