i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
