He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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