Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
