The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Randomize
