I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
