i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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