38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
