when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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