I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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