Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
