does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
