i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
