I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
