You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
