it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
