so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize