I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
